Pat: *enters bar and sits down* I’ll have a cold brew! Whatever is on tap and good!
Pat’s Confessional: Well, we have returned to Twitter! WOOHOO! Due to that final night, I’ve decided to meet up with Angela. It’s time we get this cleared up and move on… once and for all!
Angela: *walks in and finds Pat* Well hello missy, thanks for the invite!
Pat: Hi! Take a seat. Beer or cocktail?
Angela: I’ll have a whiskey sour. I’ll have two if you’re paying… *winks and laughs*
Pat: Order whatever you wish! But let’s get right into this… what exactly are you trying to accomplish with me?
Angela: What do you mean Pat? *sips as I grin*
Pat: We spoke briefly before we went to Whistler. We promised to move on. Next thing I know you are bringing out recordings and women. What is your motive Angela?!
Angela: Okay let’s address all of this…
Pat: Yeah let’s ADDRESS IT!
Angela: I will if you shut up and just drink your brew! For the recording, I don’t see why you’re so bothered by it if you have nothing to hide *drinks* I mean you own everything right?
Pat: I’m not bothered by it. But I’m bothered by you hiding it! You aren’t saying anything when you present this shit.
Angela: Well I could’ve just kept the information and let you all continue mingling as a snake stands in our midst.
Pat: Who is the snake you speak of?
Angela’s Confessional: Both Pat and Tanya must have some meaty skeletons in their closets because they’re so outdone by these recordings… The snake is rattling its tail! *laughs*
Angela: I seriously didn’t think you’d get so upset on the last night of the trip… you actually left before my special guest arrived. I was trying to bring miss Valerie in. *laughs*
Pat: What the hell Angela?! Why were you trying to embarrass me?
Angela: I felt you deserved some discipline for how you treated Kendrick!
Pat: Why is that any of YOUR business?! Last year when Tanya was talking about your husbands dick I said NOTHING about it to you.
Angela: But last year you made it a point to try and intervene with the situation of your other friend.
Pat: I came to talk to you once about Saada and it was from a good place. You came in hot for no fucking reason.
Angela: Listen- you’re all irate. Makes me think there is something you’re hiding *shrugs* A woman with conviction wouldn’t leave.
Pat: I’m not hiding anything. You wish that I was so this bullshit your pulling would be for something. You have no issue but continue to just fuck me over at every step of the way.
Angela: *continues sipping* Are you done? That vein is going to pop…
Pat: Tom and I are getting things on track and your bullshit is fucking that up! Tell me when you are going to be honest about this snake gate crap that your pulling!
Pat’s Confessional: There’s no truth to Angela’s bullshit but she doesn’t get how it effects my family.
Angela: Anyway, while you’re calming down… Are you coming to Jocelyn’s dinner?
Pat: Yeah… why?
Angela: While I have you here, you should be aware of something
Pat: What is it?
Angela: *pulls up article on phone* This has been out for a while… Jazmine actually sent it to me.
Pat: Jazmine? Interesting… I mean this shit is out there all the time. Who cares?
Angela: I just wanted to let you know… I mean it’s about you!
Pat: Hm… well I guess I’ll see you at the dinner then.
Angela: You will! Have your listening ears and hawk eyes on. Best way to scout out a snake.
Tanya: *sitting and holding Jed* You’re so cute! Mommy loves you! *kisses him*
Makayla: *shown arriving to Tanya’s in her blacked out Rolls-Royce. She walks up and rings the doorbell*
Makayla’s Confessional: I came to check up on Tanya since I haven’t seen her after that crazy last night in Whistler. I do have a little bone to pick with her and I hope she doesn’t get to upset with me.
Tanya: *gets the door* hey girl! Come on in to Casa Love!
Makayla: *hugs* Hello Ms. Love how are you!
Tanya: No hugs & please take off your shoes. I also need you to take a bath in hand sanitizer. THEN, I will give you gloves before you touch my baby.
Makayla: *smiles and washes hands* Don’t worry girl, I don’t plan on touching the baby.
Tanya: Oh well girl, you won’t be able to resist his cuteness when you see him! here he is… my new prince… Jedediah Love!
Makayla: Ohhhh… He’s very round. *laughs*
Tanya: Round? Girl, he’s a baby!
Tanya’s Confessional: If this bitch is gonna shade my baby, she can get the fuck out!
Makayla: *laughs* So anyway, how are you! You snatched back real quick!
Tanya: Girl, snapped back? Bitch, not really! *laughs* I am wearing frumpy clothes to make me look less fat. But I do feel better now that the baby is out of me!
Makayla: I can’t call you belly anymore!
Tanya: *laughs* no girl, you can’t! But I’ll be calling you “belly” next, I’m sure! *winks*
Makayla: So you missed all the drama at our dinner the last night in Whistler.
Tanya: Yes girl, thank God! *laughs* tell me all about it… what the hell happened?
Makayla: It was just a shit show everyone arguing in public like animals!
Tanya: *pulls down shirt and starts breast feeding*
Makayla: Then Pat throws me under the bus and tells Jocelyn I think it’s her who didn’t donate at the gala. *sees her big nipple* ew…
Tanya: Pat threw you under the bus?! Girl, you’re rich! I’m sure you donated.
Makayla: I mean it felt like she did…
Tanya: I think Jocelyn’s full of shit and she’s lying to try and be relevant. But she’s not even close to being relevant. Just ignore Jocelyn. That’s what I try and do… I know it’s hard because she looks like a damn giraffe; but just pretend she’s not there. Because whatever she says is stupid.
Tanya’s Confessional: Who the hell is Jocelyn? I barely know the bitch! Shes not even on my radar.
Makayla: Sooo… I have something for you. *pulls out a piece of paper from her purse and hands it to Tanya* This is the bill for the damage you caused at my house.
Tanya: Damage? What damage are you talking about?
Makayla: Well your water breaking in my house ruined the flooring in the dining room and my rug and my custom designer dining chair.
Tanya: Okay? I mean sweetie, you’re rich… it wasn’t like I did it on purpose!
Makayla: I know you didn’t but it needs to get fixed and I didn’t do the damage. If you need to pay me back in installments I completely understand. We can set up a payment plan.
Tanya: Excuse me, bitch? I CAN pay you, but I’m not going to. Because I don’t think it’s my fault. My water broke I was going into labor. Have some compassion! When you have kids, you’ll realize how much of a BITCH you’re being right now!
Makayla: Well fuck you too, Tanya! I’ll see myself out. *gets up*
Tanya: Bye hun! Thanks for coming!
Makayla: Good luck with your baby. And get his eyes checked because they’re going all different directions! *walks out and slams the door*
Tanya: THAT BITCH!
Tanya’s Confessional: I’m not paying for her shit; especially not now after she went after my child. That’s a NO NO!
Dominique: *walking through the hospital before walking into her office, closing the door, and laying her head down on her desk*
Dominique’s Confessional: You know how I said I was taking a week off when I got back from that “vacation” in Whistler? Unfortunately 2 of my patients went into labor shortly after I arrived home and I was right back in the hospital. I’m tired!
*phone starts ringing showing a Face Time call from Kendrick*
Dominique: Good morning baby. You just now getting up?
Kendrick: Hell yeah, I was hoping to cuddle with you but your gone…again.
Dominique: I know, I know. I just want to be in the bed cuddling with you and sleeping but you know when a baby is ready to be born, a baby is ready.
Kendrick: I know, I just miss you.
Dominique: I miss you more love. This Whistler trip wore me out.
Kendrick: I know… we never really got to talk about it. How was it overall?
Dominique: Well, I delivered Tanya’s baby. *laughs* that was interesting.
Dominique’s Confessional: Whistler was…interesting. I believe Tanya and I got a lot closer, and Pony was her normal vindictive self. I was happy when Angela gave her a taste of her own medicine towards the end of the trip.
Dominique: Kendrick, Pat had the nerve to bring you up and say that I talk down to you and such and that you are involved in women’s business.
Kendrick: Man, I’m not involved in y’all petty bullshit.
Dominique: I know, I know. Well Angela actually invited Tom’s mistress and Pat ran off before she could even enter the room. *laughs*
Kendrick: Whew, that damn Angela. I don’t know what Mahir and I was thinking getting with you two crazy ladies.
Dominique: Boy hush before I beat your ass tonight when I get home. *laughs* let me go so I can go check on my patients.
Kendrick: *laughing* you need to hurry up and get home so I can get in that ass.
Dominique: Oh hell nawl. Bye boy! *hangs up laughing*
Jocelyn: Whew. I’m not sure if I want these girls in my house. *laughs* Just saying… *Jocelyn & her assistant finish setting things up* They should be here any time now…
Jocelyn’s Confessional: After Tanya, and her pussy juice explosion; I’m not sure if it was a good idea to invite her to my home… I’m also not really interested in Pat coming. But I’m a nice girl so I decided to invite them. What’s the harm in that?
Dominique: *walks in* Hey honey bun! Something smells GOOD!
Jocelyn: Dom! Hey gurl *hugs* You look fabulous.
Dominique: Thanks babe. I feel so rested honey!
Pat: *Enters Jocelyn’s House* Hello? Anyone home?
Jocelyn: Hey Pat! Looking SEXY!
Pat: Hey J! Beautiful home!!
Jocelyn: Thank you!
Tanya: *walks in* hello, hello, helloooo! The new mama is here!
Pat: *sees Tanya* Holy shit you popped out that kid and shrunk *laughs*
Tanya: *laughs and hugs Pat* hey babe! Thank you!
Dominique: HAAAAAYYYY skinny minnie! *hugs Tanya*
Tanya: Hey, Dr. Dom… or should I say the best OBGYN in Twitter! *laughs*
Dominique: *laughs* thanks honey!
Dominique’s Confessional: Tanya must have went under the knife cuz no way she lost that baby weight naturally that quick!
Jocelyn: Well, you all may grab a drink from the bar and we’ll go to the table once everyone arrives!
Angela: *walks in* Hello ladies *ducks as I come through the door* I’m glad Joc has some high ceilings! *laughs*
Angela’s Confessional: If Pat can dress like cotton candy, I can dress like a Queen holding center court. Judge and the jury YASSS!
Dominique: What the hell is on your head Angela?
Angela: It’s a crown Miss Dominique! I will have center court today. The snake-shaped jester will have to answer. *twirls*
Dominique: Well alright now honey! *snaps and laughs*
Dominique’s Confessional: I’m WHEEZING! *laughs uncontrollably and falls out of chair*
Jazmine: *walks in* Hey, hey, heyy!
Jocelyn: Jazmine! Good to finally see you again!
Jazmine: Girl, I know right! You’re looking great!
Makayla: *walks in and see the ladies* Hey everyone! Jocelyn, gorgeous home!
Jocelyn: *looks* Oh Makayla, thanks! Glad you were able to come!
Makayla: I wouldn’t miss it for the world! *smirks*
Jocelyn: Ladies, let’s all take our seats at the table please.
(Everyone sits down)
Makayla: Well anyway ladies, how is everyone doing?
Tanya: Well miss Makayla, I’m not doing well after you made fun of my newborn baby.
Makayla: I didn’t make fun of IT, Tanya! STOP.
*server brings out spinach dip and fried calamari*
Jocelyn: I’m ready to eat, so we can start with appetizers and talk in a few! *laughs*
Pat: Wait what happened?
Tanya: Yes you did, Makayla! You said I need to get his eyes checked because he’s cockeyed!
Jocelyn: *giggles* Sorry…
Makayla: *starts to laugh but covers mouth*
Pat: Oh my God! Makayla! You can’t just say that!
Makayla: Well the eyes were going all over the place. Like those googley eyes. But I was saying it out of concern.
Tanya: NO, you weren’t saying it out of concern bitch! Like are you a doctor?! NO! You’re not! You’re a WIFE! So don’t talk about my child! Got it?!
Makayla: I meant no harm!
Tanya: You were pissed that I’m not paying for your shit getting destroyed from my “pussy juice” so you wanted to attack my child!
Angela: *busts out laughing*
Makayla: I offered you a payment plan option and you denied it. If you can’t afford it say so.
Tanya: I can pay for it but I don’t want to!
Makayla: Everything in my homes are custom and very expensive. So it needs to be taken care of!
Tanya: It’s not about the money! It’s about the principle! It’s not my fault my water broke.
Makayla: They told you not to get on the snow mobile. So it is kinda your fault.
Dominique: Tanya, Jedediah is still very young. Don’t pay anyone here that is without children any mind!
Tanya: *starts crying and hugs Dominique* thank you, Dom!
Pat: LADIES! Why can’t we just come to an agreement? It wasn’t Tanya’s fault but maybe a cleaning crew can make sure everything is in order. I’ll pay for it, Makayla!
Makayla: Pat, that’s sweet but it’s not your responsibility. But let’s move on you can’t afford it and it’s fine. I’ll pay for it!
Tanya: Makayla, here. I’ll just pay for it so you’ll shut the hell up! *pulls out checkbook* how much do you want? Since YOU don’t have the money to pay for shit since you don’t work yourself, I’ll pay for it.
Makayla: I gave you the estimate, Tanya. Let’s talk about this some other time not here. You’re making a scene.
Tanya: Bitch, I threw the estimate away. Makayla, you started this mess! I’ll pay you so your husband doesn’t have to give you allowance this month.
Jocelyn: Oh my God…
Makayla: *looks at Tanya* calm down, Tanya. We’ll talk later.
Jazmine’s Confessional: Paying for pussy juiced furniture, talking about children’s disabilities… these bitches need help.
Jocelyn: So have any of you spoken to each other since getting home from Canada?
Pat: Well Angela and I saw each other yesterday.
Angela: We sure did!
Pat: We have unfinished business that needs to be worked out now.
Tanya: Interesting… well if there’s something you need to talk about, give us the tea queen Ang!
Angela: *looks around* Sorry, didn’t know I gave Tanya permission to speak to me. *looks back at the table* I’ll address the ladies not the dinosaurs.
Pat: Angela, STAY FOCUSED!
Tanya: *rolls eyes* sweetie, just STOP. Say your shit and move on!
Angela: Well as you ladies all know… there is a snake among us. As you heard on the recording in Canada.
Jazmine: *looks puzzled* not a snake honey!
Tanya: The bullshit recording you had? Okay.
Pat: Do you know who is on the recording?
Angela: Of course I do! And It’s bullshit Tanya? Is that because you still think I insinuated you do drugs? Anyways… I just got the audio fixed and sent back to me.
Makayla: AND… ?
Pat: SPIT IT OUT!
Angela: So, the person on the tape was Jazmine…
Jazmine: *looks shocked* huh??
Dominique: I knew it!
Pat: Replay the fucking tape, NOW!
Jazmine: What recording are y’all talking about? Play it!
Angela: *takes out phone and plays recording*
Voice 1: “I have a lot I need to say, a lot that needs to happen. This will teach them a lesson for pushing me aside like chopped liver.”
Voice 2: “I have the goods if you’ll meet me.”
Voice 1: “Where?”
Voice 2: “In the parking lot on Summer.”
Angela: The first voice you hear is that of Jazmine.
Pat: Who is the second voice?
Angela: The second is a guy named Marco. Or at least that’s his code name.
Jazmine: Marco?!? *Laughs* y’all bitches are ridiculous.
Pat: Explain yourself, Jazmine!
Jazmine: I know no Marco sweetie. I will say I had a conversation with someone about this group of ladies. However, meeting in a parking lot or even this damn Marco man is insane and a lie!
Pat: What goods did you want? The stories about my husband?
Jazmine: The goods are on Tanya and you. Which I will hush on. Let’s just say I’ll be the snake with a lot of information. *Sips water*
Angela: You can’t stay hush now! It’s been on the table girl!
Tanya: Whats goods do you have on Pat & I?!
Jazmine: Tanya, you’re a sneaky and conniving “friend” to Patrice.
Pat: What?! What does that mean?! I need answers NOW or I’m leaving!
Jazmine: Pat, you’ve OBVIOUSLY seen the blogs about you… right?!
Pat: Those are BULLSHIT stories! What about them?
Jazmine: I’ve been trying to be quiet on the situation but don’t push me bitch!
Pat: SPIT IT OUT Jazmine! Just speak this is your fucking moment!
Angela’s Confessional: So Jazmine is playing games instead of pulling out receipts. You put that get up on just to come and serve unfounded tea? *laughs*
Jazmine: While you’ve been worrying about me worry about the STD’s you could possibly have! *throws printed article on the table*
Pat: Jazmine, we ALL know about this bullshit! This is NOTHING knew!
Angela: The REAL tea is that Jazmine told me that Tanya is the “close source”
Pat: *Looks at Tanya* WHAT?!
Jocelyn: Awwwww shit!
Dominique: Not Tanya. *mouth drops*
Makayla: I KNEW she was a fake!
Tanya: Girl, shut up! I would NEVER say shit about my best friend!
Jazmine: You did Tanya! Stop lying bitch!
Tanya: I have NOTHING to hide! Ya’ll can go through my phone, my emails!
Pat: This is all BULLSHIT! *Grabs plate and throws it on the floor*
Tanya: OH SHIT!
Dominique: What the hell?!
Pat: Goodbye. I’m DONE! *starts walking out and knocks over a vase while slamming the door*
Tanya: Pat, WAIT! *runs after Pat*
Dominique: *runs and grabs a broom*
Jazmine: *yells at Pat* You should be done with that fake ass friend of yours!
-OUTSIDE Jocelyn’s House-
Pat: *breaks down crying* Get me the fuck outta here! *yelling at producer* Where is the car?!
Makayla: *runs outside* Fuck you Tanya! You’re a dirty rat!
Tanya: Makayla, get away from us! I didn’t say SHIT! Shut up and leave us alone! *tries to comfort Pat* P, you okay?…
Pat: Tanya just don’t touch me. No one TOUCH ME.
Makayla: You’re a piece of shit friend, Tanya! You DISGUST ME!
Tanya: I’m NOT a piece of shit friend! You don’t even know the TRUTH, Makayla!
Makayla: Go home, get drunk, & take care of your kids Tanya! *grabs Pat’s hand* Let’s go babe. *pulls pat towards the car* GET IN NOW PAT.
Pat: *gets in the car*
Tanya: *breaks down crying as Pat gets in the car*
NEXT TIME ON “Married To Medicine Twitter”: The ladies deal with the aftermath of the disastrous dinner party; Angela’s Mama gets involved in the drama; Dominique and Tanya stumble on someone from Makayla’s past.