Pat’s Confessional: Things at the home have been a lot better compared to last year... *flashback to season one* Now, Tom and I have a very cordial relationship and we enjoy each other’s company when we’re together. We even met for a nice dinner out the other night. But I did make him wear a mask because he’s really fucking old and I’m still a bit paranoid about him getting sick. Just saying! *shrugs shoulders*
Pat: *sitting and reading a book as her assistant walks in*
Jordan: *walks in to Pat’s sitting area* Hey, boo! What’s up?
Pat: Nothing much babe, trying to relax a bit. I have a busy week ahead and I have that big coronavirus gala this Friday…
Jordan: That’s right! I RSVP’d for you and Tom, is that right?
Pat: Tom is currently moving his stuff back in and he’s super busy with work so he won’t be able to make it.
Jordan: Well at least he’s moving back in girl! That’s a start… right?
Pat: It is and I’m really happy about it. *smiles*
Pat’s Confessional: I’m so happy about where I am with Tom right now. He did move out to one of his other houses when we were separated, but now we’re honestly in a really really good space. I mean he’s moving back in, that’s good! And if I need space from him, I can go hide out in one of the MANY rooms in the house. *laughs*
Jordan: Now girl, enough about you and your man… you have SO much going on in your career babe! Especially after Broadway. *flashback to Pat as Roxie Hart on Broadway*
Pat: YASSSSS, J! I’m so excited for everything! I mean the music we’re working on is fabulous, I’ve gotten a few movie deals, and I hear they want me for ANOTHER Broadway show. Like this is INSANE, Jordan. INSANE!
Jordan: I know, like you can do it ALL hunni! *snaps fingers*
Pat’s Confessional: My career has truly taken off. I shot my first music video, I’m going to be performing my music LIVE and Broadway wants me back? These girls could NEVER! They all wanna be PATRICIA! *snaps*
Pat: Jordan, you’ve earned yourself a cocktail! Let’s have one!
Jordan: Yes ma’am! *grabs cocktails for himself and Pat as they laugh and kiki*
Tanya: *walks into Lamaze class and says hi to instructor as confessional plays*
Tanya’s Confessional: Today I’m going to Lamaze class, but my husbands out of town… so who did I decide to invite along? My new friend Makayla! She’s fun to be around and I thought it would be a good chance for us to bond without everyone else around.
Makayla: *walks into class* Hey beautiful!
Tanya: Hey, girl! Thanks for coming! *hugs Makayla* Well don’t you look hot in your workout gear and I look like complete dog shit! *chuckles*
Makayla: *smiles* Of course! Any friend of Pat’s is a friend of mine. How you feeling today? *rubs belly* oh stop you are pregnant you have an excuse to look like that. *laughs*
Tanya: I feel awful! I can’t sleep at all, I’m in constant pain… I just want this to be over! Girl I have to tell you, if you ever wanna have kids… it SUCKS during pregnancy but it’s so worth it in the end.
Makayla: *giggles* well fingers crossed soon!
Tanya: This is my 3rd and I don’t know why I keep allowing this to happen! My man is gonna get his balls chopped off after this! *laughs*
Makayla: *awkwardly laughs*
Makayla’s Confessional: I’m all here for helping Tanya with her Lamaze class. I mean who knows when I’ll be in this room again! Hopefully soon with a little baby bump. Not a huge one like Tanya. *laughs*
Instructor: Hi ladies, are you ready? Okay so are you the wife? *looks at Makayla*
Makayla: *laughs* I’m the support team!
Instructor: Aw yes, you seem so supportive! You guys are an adorable couple!
Tanya: Bitch this is my friend! *laughs* I have a big black man at home with a HUGEEEE dick! But she’s my side chick! *laughs*
Makayla: *laughs* TANYA!
Instructor: Oh that makes sense! My mistake…*giggles* okay so we’re gonna work on some breathing techniques today. Now support person, get behind the Mommy and massage her while she takes deep breaths. And REALLY get into that massage.
Makayla: *massages Tanya’s back and whispers in ear with a deep voice* you like that baby girl?
Tanya: *whispers back* yesssss big Daddy! *laughs*
Instructor: Both of you close your eyes and feel the energy in the room and relax…
Tanya: *raises hand* Can I have some massage oil so she can give me a good ole back massage? *laughs*
Makayla: Oh HELL NO! I can’t stain these Gucci joggers girl!
Tanya: I mean I’m sure you don’t mind your husband’s cum stains getting on them! *winks and laughs*
Makayla: *gasp* TANYA!
Tanya: Girl, you know it’s true! *winks*
Makayla’s Confessional: Tanya has a very nasty mouth… there’s a time and place for it and I don’t think Lamaze class is the place to talk about it.
Instructor: okay ladies, that’s the end of our class. I hope to see you both soon. *smiles and walks away*
Makayla: *gets up and helps Tanya up*
Tanya: *takes a drink of water* okay Makayla, let’s sit for a minute and chat. *sits on chair* So girl, tell me a little more about yourself and your family.
Makayla: Well right now it’s just Leo and I. He has 2 teenage sons that come on weekends and holidays but that’s it. *sighs*
Tanya: Awww I’m sorry, but you obviously want kids of your own with him right?
Makayla: Oh of course I do! But there’s some issues with that I don’t really like to talk about. I mean we’ve been trying and I just can’t carry a baby to term. *voice starts breaking*
Tanya: Oh girl, I’m so sorry to hear that! *hugs Makayla*
Makayla: They don’t know what’s wrong me… I’m like perfect, but I can’t get pregnant.
Tanya: I know it’s hard and I know it’s a challenging journey, but it’ll happen for you someday soon. I just know it! You’re meant to be a Mother and I’m sure you’ll be amazing at it.
Makayla: Thanks, Tanya! *smiles and dabs eyes*
Tanya’s Confessional: I like Makayla and I’m happy that she opened up to me a little bit about her fertility struggles… I know that was hard for her. Hey, I think our friendship is blossoming! *smiles*
Makayla: So you have 3 kids right?
Tanya: Yes girl, 2 kids and 1 on the way! Maybe sometime you can come babysit.
Makayla: Oh girl everyone wants to hire me as a sitter. Angela said the same thing the other day. *laughs* Speaking of Angela she said something strange before we left the yoga studio.
Tanya: *chokes on water* girl, Angela?! Why the hell are we talking about her?! What did she say?
Makayla: Something about “Watch who you let into your house because someone always smells up the powder room”… I’m not good at riddles so I don’t know what this means.
Tanya: Ummmmm what? That bitch is crazy!
Makayla: She was asking about my friendship with Pat before that though *shrugs*
Tanya: Girl, just ignore her! I wouldn’t pay her no mind! She’s an evil bitch that makes up shit for entertainment!
Makayla: *laughs awkwardly*
Makayla’s Confessional: I enjoyed this time with Tanya and it felt strange to share my story with her but at the same time I feel like it’s a stepping stone to building a friendship.*smiles*
Jocelyn: *walking on the beach with Dominique* Wow! It’s so hot out here, but still beautiful.
Dominique: It’s hot as HELL! JESUS be a fence! I may die of heat stroke.
Jocelyn: *laughs* Girl, you crack me up with your sayings!
Jocelyn’s Confessional: Today I invited my girls out to the beach to catch up with beautiful scenery. You can’t go wrong with going to the beach!
Jocelyn: Well anyway girl, how have you been?
Dominique: Girl, exhausted! Everyone’s popping out babies! How have you been?
Jocelyn: Good! Donovan and I are better than ever. We had a date night the other night. It was fun going out, but we had an even better time in the sheets. *winks and giggles*
Dominique: YASSS girl! *high fives Jocelyn*
Angela: *walks up with margaritas in hand* Good afternoon, ladies! How are my sunshine beauties?
Dominique: Girl where you get those margaritas out here in this heat? *laughs and grabs a margarita from Angela*
Jocelyn: Hey Ang! You look snatched and gorg!
Angela: Thanks, girl! *hands Jocelyn the other margarita* So girls, let’s get into it. What have you been up to miss Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: I’ve been good. You wouldn’t believe who invited me out for a cup of coffee the other day…
Dominique: Who? *looks*
Jocelyn: Pony as y’all say.
Dominique: Pony? Oh hell nawl!
Dominique’s Confessional: This bitch Pony needs to stay away from my friends. She brings nothing but foolishness.
Angela: What did she have to say?
Jocelyn: Oh nothing… we got to know each other a little better, but that’s basically it.
Angela: I really have no issue with Pat, I’m ready to move on from the vitriol of last year…
Dominique: I hate that woman. She’s no good. There is no turning back after she brought up my marriage.
Jocelyn: And she also invited me to a yacht day with Tanya and Makayla.
Angela: I met up with Makayla, she’s a good time. Very nice girl!
Jocelyn: Well, I beg to differ…
Angela: Give her a chance Jocelyn and you too Dominique!
Dominique: I mean I can’t be on y’all asses too much now…I met up with Tanya.
Angela: Girl- what is this? The Broken Circle of Trust? *laughs*
Dominique: *laughs* This is interesting. We all are friends with an enemy of another.
Dominique’s Confessional: So let me break it down for ya’ll. I’m now cool with Tanya, Angela’s sworn enemy. Angela is cool with Makayla, Jocelyn’s sworn enemy. Then you have Jocelyn friends with my sworn enemy Pony. It’s messed up!
Jocelyn: Dom, I wanted to ask. Would you be open to a sit down with Pat?
Dominique: *starts singing* HELL NAWL TO THE NAWL NAWL NAWL…HELL TO THE NAWLLLLL *people start looking on the beach as Dominique sings loudly*
Angela: Girl, I’ll go with you if you want. I need to clear the air with her anyway.
Dominique: Look I have no issue being in the same space as her…I just don’t know about a sit down.
Jocelyn: I understand. I feel the same way about some of those other girls…
Angela: I mean you’re all going to that coronavirus benefit, right?
Dominique: Of course. I’ll be in attendance with Kendrick.
Jocelyn: Donovan and I are actually on the committee, so of course we’ll be there.
Angela: Well stay tuned, there’s sure to be fireworks *winks and laughs*
Jocelyn: *walks into ballroom with Donovan* Wow, this looks good babe! I guess all of our hard work paid off. *smiles and kisses Donovan*
Donovan: It did, babe. *kisses Jocelyn*
Jocelyn’s Confessional: Tonight’s the coronavirus benefit that Donovan and I helped put together. It’s come together amazingly and I’m so happy that we were able to make it happen, especially for such a great cause.
Dominique: *walks into event with Kendrick and waves at Jocelyn* Hey miss thing!
Jocelyn: You look good tonight. Glad you guys made it!
Dominique: Thanks, boo! It feels nice to get glammed up! *laughs*
Tanya: *walks into benefit and poses on the red carpet as confessional plays*
Tanya’s Confessional: I got invited to this benefit for the coronavirus relief and I’m happy to go support. It was such a major pandemic that affected everyone in the world. I wish John could be here, but he’s filming for his sports talk show. Hey, he has to work and that’s okay! We spent months together in quarantine so a little space sometimes is a good thing. *chuckles*
Jocelyn: Well, I see Tanya is over there. Let me go be classy and speak. *walks over to Tanya* Hi Tanya. Glad you came to support!
Tanya: *smiles at Jocelyn* Hi, girl! Yes of course. Nice outfit.
Jocelyn: *smiles* Thank you. I was inspired by the Kentucky derby for some reason.
Tanya: Oh yeah… I see that now.
Tanya’s Confessional: Jocelyn and Donovan look like they went on an African safari & the Kentucky derby in the same day. That outfit honey, OOH CHILE! It’s a mess!
Angela: *walks into benefit and looks around* Very cute.
Dominique: *walks to Angela* Where is your husband?!
Angela: Girl, I told you he was out of town for a conference. Relax.
Pat: *enters the ballroom as everyone stares*
Dominique: OH. MY. GOSH! Pony looks a fucking mess I can’t make up with her tonight.
Angela: Dom, be nice to the poor girl.
Angela’s Confessional: It looks like the mistress threw up the blue pill Tom had been taking on Pat and then there’s that outfit *giggles*
*Makayla and Leo are shown arriving on the step and repeat*
Makayla: *whispers to leo* I think we’re overdressed babe. Look at these trashy bitches.
Leo: be nice babe.
Pat: *Sees Makayla and Leo* Hello Hello!
Makayla: *eyes widen* WHAT THE -
Makayla: Pat your dress is very…. interesting to say the least…
Makayla’s Confessional: What the hell?! I thought this was a gala not a circus.
Tanya: *walks over to Pat & Makayla* hey bitches!
Pat: Hey T! Look at you. Glowing!
Makayla: *hugs tanya* hey belly!
Tanya: *sees Pat’s outfit* Now GIRL! What in the hell do you have on babe? You look like you just came out of the monsters INC!
Pat: Girls we’ve been stuck in the house for MONTHS. If I wanted to kill a muppet and put it on… I will.. I mean I DID *laughs*
Pat’s Confessional: That dress is couture… CUSTOM made! *flips hair* I don’t give a flying FUCK what people think, okay? They can go FUCK off! *flips camera off*
Angela: *grabs Dominique and walks over to the other ladies* Hey, Makayla! *smiles and hugs*
Makayla: Angela! *hugs* Pat, I forgot to tell you… this is my new yoga partner! We had such a good time!
Angela: She’s grown enough to find new friends.
Pat: *Looks at Angela* Okay girl
Angela: Look, I don’t want any issue with you Pat. It’s not worth it.
Pat: I mean I don’t start issues. I end them.
Angela: Actually I’m the only one being grown here. I’m trying to end the issue.
Pat: What is the issue? Because I still don’t know!
Makayla: *sips drink*
Angela: The issue is that you instigated between Saada and I.
Pat: *rolls eyes* I didn’t start anything with you and Saada. I don’t even speak to her anymore, so what do you want from me?!
Angela: I want to move on, I thought that was clear. I’m trying to root out unnecessary negativity. I want to apologize for talking about your child and your family. For calling you Mayonnaise, Patty Melt…*laughs* everything.
Pat: Well that is nice. Thank you. Okay, let’s move on. Don’t talk about my family and I won’t talk about your family. I apologize for what I did. Let’s just move on because like you, I’m tired of this.
Angela: Yes, trust me we have more common enemies than we may want to admit.
Pat: What is that supposed to mean?
Angela: *whispers to Pat* girl, let’s just say the Internet definitely serves as a cover for some snakes.
Pat’s Confessional: What the fuck is this sneaky bitch talking about?! You know what- I don’t give a fuck. She wants to move on, so let’s do that. *Sips drink*
Makayla: So Jocelyn, how have you been since the yacht day? You were very bothered, so I hope you and I are good.
Jocelyn: Oh I wasn’t bothered, just tired of your shenanigans.
Jocelyn’s Confessional: What does botched Barbie want with me?! She’s already showed her true colors, no need to show them twice. I see you already hun!
Makayla: I mean I didn’t do anything to you Jocelyn. I’ve been very gracious and kind to you. But you have like this stick up your ass. *laughs* I don’t bite girl.
Jocelyn: Well, you always intrude on my life and make snarky comments, that you think I don’t catch but I do. I honestly don’t really care or know you to be angry with you.
Makayla: Then simmer down because you seem very angry right now. The tone is very off.
Jocelyn: Girl, if you’re not going to receive what I’m saying, I’m not going to repeat it. I don’t understand why you think I’m being aggressive, because I’m really not.
Makayla: You started with the cliche plastic surgery jokes love. It’s nothing to me, come up with better material babe.
Jocelyn: Okay Makayla, I’m going to disengage and not act a nut at this event because I’m actually classy. *walks away from Makayla*
Makayla: Whatever girl… *sips drink*
Angela: Good! Now let’s sign some checks.
Jocelyn: Yes, checks! I hope some of you aren’t in the red.
Pat: Well.. we won’t go there Jocelyn.
Jocelyn: Yeah, we definitely won’t Pat *giggles*
Pat’s Confessional: This girl is MESSY. *rolls eyes*
Makayla: Now ladies, can I say something to the group as a whole before we continue this fabulous night?
Dominique: Sure Makayla, what do you need to get off your chest?
Makayla: Since I’m willing to open up and get to know everyone without the attitude and commotion *looks at Jocelyn* I would like to invite you all to our winter home in Whistler for some fun in the snow, spa days, and no drama!
Pat: Oh my God! Yes!!
Angela: *twirls* YES YES YES. VACATION *does limbo motion*
Dominique: Oh my. I’ve never been to Canada, but I love a good vacation! I hope someone can teach me how to ski.
Tanya: Oooohh sounds like just what I need! Can you give me another massage while we’re there, Makayla? *laughs*
Makayla: Oh girl, you’ll get a massage… but not from me babe! *laughs*
Angela’s Confessional: Tanya wants a massage. The Big D from John L isn’t making enough motion in the ocean?
Pat: Wait, so is EVERYONE invited?
Makayla: The invite stands to everyone and if you don’t come, no harsh feelings. *looks at Jocelyn*
Jocelyn: I will be there. *smiles*
Makayla: Excellent. *smiles awkwardly*
Makayla’s Confessional: I’m trying here I really want to like everyone, but big foot makes it hard.
Dominique: *dancing on Kendrick* you’re gonna miss me while I’m on vacation!
Kendrick: The boys gonna be so excited.
Dominique: *hits Kendrick* Nuh uh!
Pat: *whispers to Tanya* UGH- Dominique has to come?
Tanya: P, I actually wanted to talk with you about that. I did meet with Dominique the other day and we worked things out. Since you & Angela talked things out tonight, do you think you and Dom can too? I honestly don’t wanna be in the middle of you two on this trip. I need a relaxing vacation for once!
Pat: Girl. She lives a lie. She’s a lie. I really don’t want anything to do with her!
Angela: *leans in and walks over* I think that’s a fabulous idea! I’ll get her over here right now! *walks to Dominique* Hey Kendrick- can I steal your wife? *grabs Dominique*
Dominique: I know what y’all are doing and that bitch owes me and my husband an apology. I brought Kendrick here in case some bullshit like this was to go down. So bring her ass over here with an apology or miss me with it.
Kendrick: I don’t think nows the-
Dominique: Shut it Kendrick!
Angela: Lord- just both of you come. *guides them to Pat* Pat, Kendrick. Kendrick, Pat.
Pat: Hello… whats up?
Dominique: Yes Kendrick, this is the woman who is spreading rumors. I suppose she asked us over here to apologize.
Pat: I’m not speaking to any MAN without my husband present.
Dominique: You don’t have a husband; you left him. Did you forget?
Pat: You know what Dominique. I’m going to play nice so we can all have fun in Canada.
Dominique: Play nice? Girl this ain’t no damn playground. You wanted to talk tough now let’s walk the walk boo.
Pat: I’m not apologizing for anything. People who tell the truth, don’t apologize for doing so.
Dominique: The truth? Bitch miss me with all that and go try and find your son! He don’t want shit to do with your ugly ass!
Kendrick: Okay Dominique that’s enough…
Pat: Yeah Dominique listen to your man. Bye Dominique. Keep talking to your husband like the bitch he is!
Dominique: *lunges towards Pat but is stopped by Kendrick*
Angela: Wait wait- hold on now!
Jocelyn: Ladies! Bring it down
Kendrick: We are leaving. *drags Dominique out of the event*
Angela: *whispers to Jocelyn* Pat just had to call someone a bitch. Her husband has his own bitch she oughta care about…
Jocelyn: Oh lawd *laughs*
Pat: Time to go! *Signs $50,000 check*
Pat’s Confessional: Dominique doesn’t understand the avalanche of realness she’s going to be trapped in when we get to Canada.
Angela: *yells* NO MORE COVID BITCHES!
NEXT TIME ON “Married To Medicine Twitter”: The ladies head off to Makayla’s home in Whistler for some fun on the slopes; Angela plays a recording that shocks the ladies; The drama brings Tanya to her LITERAL breaking point.